besprent

sunday again... that long, dark teatime of the soul (adams), again.
wasted a lot of time being impatient about life and things, didn't even attempt church. it would all go away if we could move, to cincinnati or portland or london. it would be better if i could find a church that i wanted to go to, where somebody might try to remember our names.
better if i could knock the cement off my uninspired little hand.
i think that i decided to shove grad school away for awhile. feels like the education i have thrown myself at for the past 20 years is slowly evolving, dissolving. no room for scholars, the educated are becoming antiquated, like the aristocracy clinging to the ghost of money. it's not the way anymore.
i really think that art (or at leat the people that care about making it) can help save the world. it's like the quiet knowing that moves beyond knowing.
i have always loved museums. i have loved the opportunity they provide the middle and lower class to experince the beauty once reserved for the mighty and monied.
but it is a double edged sword. it has elevated art, isolated it and turned it into a sort of unattainable ideal.
i learned how to draw quite realistically. i learned all the proper smudging, shading, rendering. but what pleased me was what was wrong, not what was right. the lines showing, the offness. but it was my offness, an educated, deliberate offness. my style.
my favorie art is simple and clear, honest and a little off.
i think that what we know of our world is sicker, maybe dying more by the day. that maybe we can start breaking down instead of building up. really, i am so exhausted by the loneliness of the common man. i am ready to see it fall apart, if it means we can start to be back together again.
i've been trying to make today, but i ended up visiting the websites, the songs that make me happy:

i've never bought anything from this site, but i like knowing that there is a place for crafters with integrity to offer their wares
this girl is makes beauty out of trash in a most lovely way
been listening to Reliant K, Fruit Bats and Stevie Wonder
going to try to read more about the bauhaus
and drawing wise men over and over, streaking scraps of paper with kiddie pan watercolors, eating graham crackers and staring, dreaming