Sunday, May 09, 2010

The other day, my friend Carl dropped in to say hello, and we somehow ended up on the subject of haircuts. How you go for such a stretch, and all appears to be in order, then, bang. You are a shaggy dog. I notice it even more with Edward- every two months, he wakes up one morning and his hair has grown three inches overnight. Growth, it seems, comes in fits and spurts.
It has been quiet over here. Mainly because I feel like I would just be reiterating the same things.
There is some news to report, though-
We are moving. Our hope, and really, our intent, when we moved here is that we would be in a position to buy the home we are in right now. It's a sweet place with the dearest neighbors. It's a place that we could easily see ourselves in. It's the kind of place where we feel safe, but we would also have felt like we were making a difference by being here. It's easy to love, easy to see the possibilities. We would have loved to breathe new life into it, and make it our home.
But, for better or worse, we did not feel like that was the right decision. We're not ready. It felt chaotic. And there was a time when I would have embraced the chaos. But not now.
Right now, we want normal. I don't really even know what that means, but there it is. So we will be renting a little while longer. Something nondescript, but bright. And we are grateful. And we are moving Memorial Day weekend if you are looking for something to do :)
We are still amazed by the generosity and selflessness of our friends who own the house, and their patience and grace as we drew this out a bit longer than planned. We are humbled by their kindness.
Some days are rough as we try to adjust to new schedules. Brady's workload has increased, and we are grateful. Many things have been brought to light that we never expected- parenting styles, for one. I think this is an issue that could be pretty derisive, but "As iron sharpens iron"... we have decided to pray and talk through it. Edward is not an easy child. I'm sure none of them are, but... wow. He fills our days with joy and wonder and as many challenges as there are hours in the day.

Something big (and back to the subject of growth) is this conviction to be a family that gives. I am ashamed to admit that this very basic tenet of faith, the desire to serve, somehow slipped away. Somewhere when I started to have to pay bills and buy toilet paper and generally get by- I lost sight of the bigger picture. For years. And years. I am hesitant to even share that, partially out of shame, but mostly out of accountability. There is no specific course of action, but suddenly I feel less blind to the opportunities that surround us.
I know that we are still "in it." But it seems like there is a light. Or at least a glow. And that regardless of whether or not we made the right decision, good will come of it.

I hope all the moms and grandmas had an especially fun and relaxing mother's day. I was treated to coffee in bed, a sweet surprise, and long quiet afternoon on the porch to read magazines and watch the tomato plants grow, and my most favorite guilty pleasure- a McDonalds hot fudge Sundae.
**Pictures taken at Reynolda Gardens, a trip that also ended in hot fudge sundaes...


Gremlina said...

i've been spreading word--via internet comments--that i also feel shameful about not contributing enough. i think i have a plan...& chaos isn't all it's cracked up to be!

sleep deprived mommy said...

Oh my goodness. It's been so long since I've logged in here!!!

I'm sorry things are not working out as you initially planned...but it seems like you have peace about the road going forward.

Parenting is tough. Our house also comes up against issues as we navigate our way through this adventure. We as parents, are different people with different experiences and histories. Consequently we don't always see eye to eye...but in the end, we know we both love and adore our daughter (and daughters to be) and we want what is best for our children. So... in light of that, we typically can find a way to come together and find mutual ground.

I think parenting is a continual learning process as the kids grow and change and we grow and change.

I hear ya on "normal" ... and yeah, who knows what that means. But normal is good. We've had our fair share of chaos and even though the chaos has diminished over the last year or so, I still feel we keep falling short of normal.... and long for that feeling!!! We keep striving. We keep moving. You will too.

Miss you friend!