Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Christmas Countdown


10 days before Christmas.
Are you ready?
I am not.
Not remotely. Not the tiniest bit.

Haircuts. Not checked.
Family portrait. Not checked.
Handmade gifts. Not checked.
Travel plans solidified. Not checked.
New tires for said travel plans. Not checked.
Christmas cards... nope.
Cookie baking. uhhhh... no.
Outfits selected. Seriously?
We have discussed, on several occasions when we will sit down and make a list of who-is-getting-what... but that is as far as we have gotten.

However- we have a mighty festive living room, the first real tree in this branch of the Hudkins family history, most of Edward's gifts are purchased and fairly well-hidden, 60+ jobs have been applied for in the past week, people are praying for us and wracking their brains and pulling their strings to help us find our way. It's good. It really is.

This past year, this thought has been gnawing away, this phrase, this urge to stop living my life so reactively. To stop letting (strange and frustrating) circumstances rule our life. Rather, have concrete goals, structure, back-up plans... know what you want and move toward it.This kind of talk kind of creeps me out, a little too self-helpy, and easy for me to rebut it with a, "What about God's plan for me?". But I've been waiting for that lightning bolt for the past 10+ years and it's time to let go of fantasies and magical revelations and embrace the reality at hand.
So, I'm just going to jump the gun and make my New Year's Resolution right now.
Next year will be the year where I grow up and adopt the structure I desperately need, where I exercise discipline in areas of my life I would prefer be free and oblivious. I know that we will all benefit. Perhaps we can stop going from digging ourselves out of one hole only to fall in another. Maybe not. We have an enemy, I am more aware of that than ever. We have faith and we have love and that is a threat to darkness. It's a strange and uncomfortable truth, and one I cannot go on denying.
So, in the spirit of a more brutal and harsh truth... here's to reality, here's to living the life we were designed to live even if it's not the one we cooked up from reading too many magazines...
What about you? Pondering any New Years resolutions?


Anonymous said...

wow. Looks like you and I are are on the same plan... Maybe with a little leaning on and poking at one another we can manage the retraining? hmm.... well - in the meantime know that we are saving you seats at Green Street and putting the serious job vibe out there into the 'sphere!! God's plan indeed... I think maybe God's plan might just be to revisit that whole idea of REAL COMMUNITY... like asking for help and accepting help and not just trying to "handle it all" ourselves!? maybe??? :) Lots of love!!

Sunny said...

What? Ask for help? That's just crazy talking! Will definitely need the poking and prodding whether from here or there... or somewhere else. But hopefully there :)
Would love to return to Green St. All that love back at you!

sarah said...

good luck with your resolution this year, sunny! this is a beautiful post...mind if i quote you on fb?