|we eat a lot of yogurt and dream of home grown tomatoes|
I've been having a weird 21st century struggle... depressed by the internet. I used to think I had some pretty brilliant ideas, I used to think I was a decent writer and had potential as an art-making-person (still can't handle the A word, though). Used to.
|i love my clothesline and watching the magpies fall off of the bird feeder|
I mostly quit blog reading for about a year, and it felt really good. But I was superbusy, totally occupied. Then we moved to Colorado and I felt so isolated and friendless. So I turned to my imaginary friends in the blog world... who don't even know they're my friends because I almost never comment (another itchy thing). But then I noticed a white noise frequency of sadness, disappointment with myself, deepened loneliness.
|Natty, vacuum, junk on the floor.|
It was how perfect everyone else's life appears to be. I know that there are struggles and disappointments and bad days... but that is not what blogs are for, right? They're for being positive, lovely and inspiring. I often wonder about the motives for blogging... for many, self promotion, or a place to make a small bit of (hard earned!) income by attracting sponsors and advertisers. I do it to keep a record of my life without having to make a big scrapbooking mess in my house, I do it in case my Grandma gets her computer fixed and she can check in on her great grand-boy. I used to do it for accountability. I guess I do it for the same reason we like to look in the mirror- to make sure I'm really here. I do it for reflection.
|dreams in peat pots|
I am a people pleaser, an achiever, a perfectionist. So naturally, I struggle big time with expectations, and my own are the absolute worst. I try to compete with people who don't even know that I exist. How weird is that?I wonder if I am alone in this strange habit, or if this is an actual phenomena.
|stacks of things, furniture dreaming of reupholstering|
|fruit, the letter T made of grill utensils|
Maybe it's a little like the tabloids that show celebrities without make-up or at the beach with fat rolls and cellulite and no Photoshop. But it's just so, so very nice to hear that one is not alone in her fears, her inadequacies and odd quirks.
In light of my self awarded metal of messy-lifeness, I've given you an Edward guided tour of our Colorado home life, right now. I have for years dreamed of the day I could get our home just-so, I could pull all of my vintage treasures together and make them look clean, curated, classic and not like some Grandma's attic had a baby with a preschool and dressed it with flimsy Target furniture. But alas... I'm just way too cheap and distracted.
I'm not quitting the internets or my quest for a cute home- no way. I totally love it here. I am just thankful for the dose of perspective.